Where do I lodge my official protest?

July 14, 2012 § 9 Comments

Dear Wankmeister:

I want to lodge a protest against guys who win a bunch of crits, especially that Charon dude. He sits in until the end and out-sprints everybody. What a big pussy. Plus, you know, there’s that OTHER thing…who does he think he is?

Krack R. Biggit

Dear Krack:

People like you make me barf. You are angry because he’s better than you are. If you put as much time into improving your own lack of skills as you do into criticizing his success, you might finish better than 43rd. But I doubt it. In the meantime, feel free to lodge your protest up your ass.

As for that OTHER thing, I can see how it would make you angry. There you were, on your nice ten thousand dollar bike with all your white friends, and then some black dude started winning all “your” races. Not just winning them, either, but winning them overwhelmingly, by multiple bike lengths. Plus, he’s such a nice and loyal guy that he’s become part of a team where everyone works for the victory, and everyone shares in the success, and no one cares about bullshit like what color the other person is.

That’s really different from your team, isn’t it, where everyone’s the designated winner, so no one ever wins, right? Where everyone’s jealous of everyone else? Where the composition of the team changes radically from year to year because everyone hates each other?

But back to the OTHER thing. Bike racing has always been a sport for white people. With the exception of tremendous riders like Nelson Vails, and one of the greatest cyclists in the history of the sport, Major Taylor, it’s been dominated by white people. When Major Taylor came to Europe and devastated the Euros at their own game, Henri Desgrange, founder of the Tour and racist, was so incensed that he demanded Taylor be paid in 10-centime pieces.

Most people who race against him could care less about Charon’s color, but a handful of grumblers and whiners and closet rednecks can’t stand getting their dicks stomped by a black dude in “their” sport.

See, Krack, here’s the thing: if you’re black in America and you rise to the top in ANYTHING it’s because you were better, and usually a lot better. Nobody ever woke up and had someone knock on the door and say, “Hey, any young black kids in here? We’d like to give them extra fancy horseback lessons or free TT bikes or a ten-year membership to the country club because they’re black.”

Doesn’t work that way. My buddy Lee, who grew up in Louisiana, finally quit riding bikes after five or six years because his family couldn’t afford tires, and riding around on steel rims just wasn’t very much fun, especially when the white kids came tearing by on bikes with tires and tubes.

If you’re a black athlete and you rip apart the competition a la Michael Jordan or Cam Newton, people say it’s because you’re “naturally talented,” i.e. you didn’t really have to work at it because it just came to you that way. If you’re a black athlete and you’re just average, or you’re projected to be great and you flame out, you’re called “lazy.” Natural talent, my ass. The Rahsaans and Charons and Justins of this sport work their butts off. Without an incredible work ethic their “natural talent” wouldn’t get them anywhere, much less on the podium.

When you’re a black dude breaking into a white sport, whether it’s cycling (Major Taylor), tennis (Arthur Ashe), baseball (Jackie Robinson), or any other job, you have to work harder, think smarter, and make the super-extra effort to improve and develop the personal relationships that underlie success, whether you’re trying to be a Supreme Court Justice, President of the United States, or world champion on the track. Show me a black guy who’s competing predominantly against white people and more often than not I’ll show you someone with far above average interpersonal skills, work ethic, and smarts.

The great thing about racing and riding in SoCal is that the vast majority of cyclists don’t care about color. We got the white dudes, the black dudes, the Hispanic dudes, the Asian dudes, and the dudes whose parents are from different races. It all works well, and for the most part color’s not part of the equation.

But when you’re blazing trails like Rahsaan Bahati, or Justin Williams, or Charon Smith, or Cory Williams, and when you’re blazing them over the dicks of white people, there will always be one or two who complain about the tread marks you leave on their tender parts. They were getting stomped before you ever came along, of course. But somehow it just hurts worse when they know you’re black.

So…

Please keep stomping.

Tagged: , , , , , ,

§ 9 Responses to Where do I lodge my official protest?

  • right on the money mr Wankmeister !!

  • emanuel says:

    well,first time I come to your blog (via rkp)
    and find this peach of an article.

    fucking A.bookmarked the blog even before I finished reading.

    thanks.

  • A-Trav says:

    As an elderly and quite frail- not to mention slow- cyclist, I have nothing but kind words for that Charon Smith fellow. A while back I was having a hard time crossing the PCH to get to my impaction removal appointment, when this huge, scary black man approached me (at a very high rate of speed, I might add). Being well-versed by FOX News in what appropriate action to take in such an instance, I screamed as loudly as I could and began to hit him with the closest thing I could find. “Sir, I don’t believe that’s the proper way to use a pump, and besides, you don’t even have a flat”, he said. Within seconds I was exhausted and fell limply into his massive arms. Looking over my grossly distended abdomen and spying the “Zuma Jay’s Impaction Removal” sign across the road, he put two and two together, and carried me and my bike across the road to Zuma Jay, who was standing there waiting, with his impaction removal tool- which looks suspiciously like a titanium tablespoon. I thanked Charon and apologized for the initial misunderstanding. He said, “No apology needed, sir. But for such an ancient wanker, surely you should know that FOX News is BAD news for America! Good day to you!” And with two clicks and a whirrr…he was gone.
    I haven’t watched FOX News since…

  • cmparrish says:

    Very nice write-up, Wamkmeister – I don’t enjoy reading as much I wish I did. I always look forward to you posts — whether, funny as hell – serious or sad – This is so true. I too bookmarked this and keeping in a safe place!

  • Majo says:

    Well said. Thanks!

Donate a few seconds of your life that you'll never get back

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

What’s this?

You are currently reading Where do I lodge my official protest? at Cycling in the South Bay.

meta

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 811 other followers

%d bloggers like this: