World’s greatest pro masters racer

October 10, 2013 § 16 Comments

We all know the essential characteristics of the pro masters racer — selfish, delusional, cheap, and self-serving to the extreme. Chris Horner, at age 41 the oldest winner of a Grand Tour, has no contract for next year. He went on twampage to vent his frustration in a charming series of tweets, which you can read here.

After digging around on the Internet, I came up with another series of tweets associated with the same Twitter account. Here they are:

12:09am Whined like a little bitch on the Twitter. #ididthat!

12:11am Never tested posative. #meandlancedidthat!

12:15am Spent years with one of the most corrupt teams in sports history. #ididthat!

12:19am Never new anyone was doping. #ididthat!

12:22am Gave doping testimony to USADA but had name redacted from report. #ididthat!

12:30am Published blood values but refused to answer journo’s questions about USADA report. #ididthat!

1:00am Intentionally chose this stupid sport as a “career” instead of getting an education. #ididthat!

1:01am Complained about it anyway. #ididthat!

1:09am Sacrificed everything I had four racing, which was, uh, nothing. #ididthatwithalltheother12kdreamers!

1:10am Believe that being a pro bike racer makes me special. #isodothat!

1:45am Ate a lot of Big Macs and told people, especially children, their healthy. #istilldothat!

1:48am Wondered why another aging star from the Big Dope era is a terrible investment. #ididthat!

2:59am Had one to many after dinner tonight. #ididthat! #belch

3:01am Broke wifes rule of “Thou shalt not tweet while hammered.” #ididthat! #notgettinanytonite

3:11am Through the phone threw the window because no knew contract offers came after tweet rant. #ididthat!

3:26am Realized that you cant get a new contract by being a whiney little bitch. #ididthat!

3:30am Did a Google search on “How too erase tweets forever.” #ididthat!

3:44am Got majorly bummed when I found out u cant. #fuckiwishihadntdonethat!

3:50am Checked SCNCA.org to see when masters racing starts next year in SoCal. #ididthatanditwasdepressingasshit!

Tagged: ,

§ 16 Responses to World’s greatest pro masters racer

  • Peter Schindler says:

    I think “knew” was misspelled in the 3:11 tweet. Should it not have been “new”?

  • Arkansas Traveler says:

    Day-drinking is never pretty.

  • Mike says:

    Auto-correct artistic expression, live it!

    As for Horner, we just have to believe [that he doped, that he's old as dirt, that he doped, that it'll be funny as fuck if no one picks him up, that he doped, that he must be hung like an Alabama blacksnake for his wife to put up with that much bullshit and whining for the last 20 years, and that he doped].

  • Toronto says:

    Mixing alcohol and social media communication is best left in the hands of highly trained professionals.

  • Erik says:

    Through/threw transposition is my #favorite

  • Al Lakes says:

    Time for Chris to devote his life to something meaningful…chasing Strava KOMs!

  • Stefanovich says:

    wutz all this hash-taggery then?

    • fsethd says:

      Tag hash. Add some salsa and a bit of sausage and it tastes great.

      • Stefanovich says:

        :) http://www.scnca.com/Prelim2014calendar.asp <– refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh…refresh Dang!!

  • posinihilist says:

    Self-tested for prostate cancer with my very own index finger. #ididthat! #nolube

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