Wankmeister cycling clinic #22: Should I do the BWR?

February 4, 2014 § 30 Comments

Dear Wankmeister:

I saw that the Belgian Waffle Ride is now open for registration as of today. But dadgummit, it’s expensive, $125!!! Should I do it?

Perplexedly,
Billy “Cat 5″ Frugal

Dear Billy:

No.

Sincerely,
Wankmeister

Dear Wankmeister:

That SPY Belgian Waffle Ride is a ripoff! Give me a fuggin’ break! Instead of racing a four-corner industrial park crit (I’m giving out flowers now to winners instead of cash), who would want to do a 130-mile, 11k feet of climbing, hardman/hardwoman race in North County San Diego? That blows! Plus, it’s crazy expensive. All’s you get is a custom t-shirt, an awesome breakfast, money donated to the CAF, a custom-brewed beer from The Lost Abbey, and a full day of racing the hardest, most challenging roads in SoCal. If you did THE LOCAL CRIT THAT’S ALSO SCHEDULED FOR THAT DAY, you’d be able to ride for 40 minutes — nonstop! And it would only cost $25, except for race day registration, which costs more.

Outraged,
Four Cornergasm

Dear Four:

It’s true, the BWR is long, hard, and not nearly as memorable as if you bought, say, tickets to the Feb. 3 Lakers v. Bulls game (LA is 16-31) in Loge Corner 104 for $220.00 (parking, beer, and food are extra, of course). And it’s not nearly as exciting as if you did an area crit in order to finish mid-pack. But it does have one thing that no USAC-permitted bike race here has: BEER.

Game – set – match,
Wankmeister

Dear Wankmeister:

I did the BWR last year. The idiots at SPY Optic comped my entry, gave me free glasses, and made sure I got to ride with the first wave. But you know what? They don’t support the right of every American to have multiple guns and shoot people when they’re afraid. So I hate them. Are you going to support a bike ride or guns?

Prying my cold dead hand off the trigger,
Jutnob Wightring

Dear Jutnob:

I’ll be supporting a bike ride. Sorry your gland is so tiny that you have to compensate by killing people.

Normally sized,
Wankmeister

Dear Wankmeister:

I would do the Belgian Waffle Ride but I hear there are gonna be pros. Thats no fun to race against pros because pros smash up everybody how come you dont just have a race for normal people and let the pros race in pro races?

Amateurishly,
Wanker McPuddintame

Dear Wanker:

The difficulty of a ride is determined by a combination of the route, the weather, and the riders. In this case, the route is one of the hardest in America, a brutal combination of hills, unpaved roads, and distance. Weather is variable. If it rains, it will make an already fiendish route into a living hell. But none of that really matters if the only people competing are not any good. It’s like college. The difficulty is ultimately determined not by the teachers, but by the competitiveness of the students. Get it? The SoCal race/ride calendar abounds with races that anyone can finish. There are also a handful of races like Boulevard and Punchbowl that are truly hard races. The BWR takes the difficulty of a hard road race and amplifies it many times over. It’s the closest that most of us will ever get to doing a ride that combines the distance, course, and competitiveness of a European classic. So, if what you really want to do is race against people of your own ability, there’s an entire race season, indeed career, built around that. This ain’t one of them.

Patiently,
Wankmeister

Dear Wankmeister:

Will there be Zumba afterwards? I really like Zumba.

Twerkishly,
Hippity Hopperson

Dear Hippity:

No.

Emphatically,
Wankmeister

§ 30 Responses to Wankmeister cycling clinic #22: Should I do the BWR?

  • Toronto says:

    What?!?! No Zumba? Time for repeats on VDM with Manslaughter.

  • Angry! says:

    Dear Wankmeister,
    I’m an angry person on the internet, completely unhappy with the idea of BWR. I’m going to post about it on other promoter’s pages and talk shit on MMX. Also, this ride better have epic, shit-tons of race permits available, as well as other rules and regulations. And what about the local community? I heard they got really mad last year!!! Do you really expect me to do a ride that has no real road closures, no real permits, and annoys local residents?? GAARRRRSSHHH!!!

    Sincerely,
    I care to much about thinks that aren’t really important because I like to make pointless stands on the internet.

    (not bad eh?)

  • dan martin says:

    Id like to do this ride but dont think I have the spine(literally) to finish. My hats off to everyone who completes the BWR…hmmm maybe I could look into getting an epidural for the day. Calling Dr. Feelgood this afternoon.

  • Alebert Lakes says:

    By my calculus, I’ll be paying $17.86/hour for the right to suffer. That’s 30 cents per minute. I’ll keep that in mind during the last 4 or 5 rollers. Generally, I prefer the opposite where I get paid to suffer (and more than $17.86/hour); I am employed. My hope is that BWR will beat some sense into me so I can find another hobby. Tee hee.

  • Wankomodo says:

    No BWR for me this year. While I felt a GREAT sense of accomplishment actually finishing it, I am just to damn slow and I have a lot less time to train this year than I did last year. After the first dirt section, I was all alone for the rest of the ride, the feed zones had been mostly depleted by the time I rolled in and I felt bad because the feed zone guys were having to hang out for an extra hour or two waiting for me. Then to get to the finish in time to watch all the tables being broken down and the kegs being put away, I realized I had no business doing this ride. I was clearly in over my head. What made me feel better was that G$ and MM hung out late and went to dinner with me. I may come down and help out as a volunteer or spectate because it really is a GREAT event.

  • Bill Stone says:

    What you got against flowers?

  • EA says:

    Not that I’m a bean counter, but if you look at the BWR on a cost per mile it’s pretty competitive with a race day registration for a crit. When you throw in better scenery, better food, better competition, and the satisfaction you get after finishing such a ride the BWR seems like a real bargain. If you’re into comparison shopping, look at Levi’s King Ridge Gran Fondo at $160. The Gran Fondo route is shorter, insanely crowded for the first 20 miles, has less climbing and costs more. To be fair, it can be argued that the Levi’s ride has better scenery, food, and support.

    Had I not already committed to fundraising and riding the American Diabetes Tour de Cure ride on the same day I would have smashed open my piggybank to ride BWR.

    • fsethd says:

      Ya gotta count the beans. Plus, when you do BWR you’re not pouring money into the pockets of a guy who made a career off of cheating, drugs, and denial until faced with a grand jury probe.

  • Sausage says:

    Thanks for finding and posting last year’s finish list Steady_KM’s. I had to scroll down a LONG way before I found a name that I think I could keep up with.

    Ouch.

    http://www.bikeistan.com/2013/04/spys-belgian-waffle-ride-brings-the-pain/

  • Casey Maguire says:

    Thanks for standing up for a day that truly tests what kind of grit you have. You can’t “find yourself” for any cheaper.

  • Jonathan says:

    I registered. I’m intimidated, but I’m looking forward to finishing. I’ve done my share of road biking on dirt – that’s the fun part. Don’t give a rats tit if I’m DFL by 90 minutes. Its motivated me to come up with a plan (to survive) and to get stronger.

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