GoAmateur

June 6, 2012 § 24 Comments

The pattern is pretty much the same. You watch some rad surfer dude do some unreal shit with his GoPro nailed onto the end of his board, like this. Of course, you don’t surf, except for the occasional sesh like this.

Then you check out some rad GoPro MTB action that totally blows your mind, like this. But you know, MTB’s not really your thing either, even though you sometimes go ride the trails like this.

So you’re totally jazzed and figure you’ll get the GoPro and stick it on your bike or your helmet and get some really rad road bike footage of you and your bros snacking on a banana and pedaling along the bike path. Three hundred bucks later you’ve taken a bunch of video and you run home and slap the shit up on your monitor and you find out that, yep, it’s shit.

Your ass looks ginormous. Or the ass of the dude in front of you looks like it’s three inches away, and it stays there for two hours. And his butt is bigger than Dallas. Or the video shows that your skilz are total crapz. Add onto that the fact that the camera’s heavy and it take hours to edit anything, and that’s pretty much the end of your GoPro career.

Wankmeister, however, is dedicated to the preservation of truth, justice, and the American way, so no matter how awful the video, he carefully edits it with the help of his trusty assistant and releases it for your viewing pleasure, or perhaps, your viewing pain.

So here it is: The True And Honest Story Of What Happened At The State Road Race, or “Mrs. Wankmeister Goes to Bakersfield.”

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§ 24 Responses to GoAmateur

  • drbeachbum says:

    Omfg. You guys are both killing me now!! Mrs. Wankmeister wrecks it!!! Time she starts her own blogshow!!

  • Norman Nipnoile says:

    I’m stranded on an island, working, off the eastern coast (no shit) and this is what I come home to?..a love story video?..the verbal romantic exchanges just make me sick!..”Honey sweetie pooper-doo, I don’t need a bottle, but our suffering friend does, will you please hand him one?”..Isn’t that what you really meant to say?..ugh BArrrFFF!..I’m staying single..attack in the feed zone!..no free rides for the weary..”Love will kill you and make you ride dorkily”..Thats my motto and epitath..Please make more funny videos..

    • Wankmeister says:

      On it, boss! Your perceptive commentary on the failings of old marriage are sadly on point. Next release will feature sone single-file chainbanging.

  • Doug says:

    Thats was fucking hilarious!!!

  • TaxDaddy says:

    great vid. no trees for shade…no let-up just pedal pedal pedal…you raced your bike…

  • Shon says:

    That was great!

  • David Wehrly says:

    Hilarious and really sad at the same time; watching you get dropped time and time and time and time again, annihilates the farcical notion that lives in our illusionary, testosterone fueled imaginations that we poseurs could actually compete in a road race.

    • Wankmeister says:

      Build up the nice, perfectly designed little sand castle, decorate it with the loveliest seashells you can find, and then have it obliterated by the inrushing 15-foot shorebreak.

  • Stephenovich says:

    WM, I think it took a lot of guts to post a video you totally getting shelled at district rr champs! Nice work!

  • Alan Geiger says:

    Yasuko-San, yokudekimashita, honto ni okashii! Tanoshikatta.

  • Chris down says:

    Mrs. WM certainly knows how to put cycling into perspective. She makes you feel *just* bad enough about yourself to know who is really boss, but not so bad that you stop. Pure genius.

  • Dick Fitzenceider says:

    I like the direction you have taken these videos better than a generic GPS overlay and so on. My false ideology that rear facing cameras yield the best bike race videos was just shattered. Just like you shat turd! 😉

    • Wankmeister says:

      Nice! Thanks for the props and for the new use of shattered. Turds were shat, indeed!

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