Belgian Waffle Ride 2015 — DO NOT REGISTER!!!!!

February 6, 2015 § 25 Comments

The 2015 edition of the galactically famous Belgian Waffle Ride opened yesterday, filling 528 of the available 700 slots in less than thirty-six hours. Although the ride always fills up long before the event, this year the registrations have been off the charts. Maybe it’s because of all the media. Maybe it’s because of this killer video. Or maybe it’s just because you’re still trembling after watching Jen strut around in her panties, and the thought that she’s going to be at the BWR has caused the servers over at BikeReg.com to break. The remaining 172 slots will be gone in the coming days, but that’s no reason for you to register. In fact, you shouldn’t. Don’t even think about it.

Why?

Because based on the last three years I’ve compiled an awesome set of emails and/or Facebag messages you can send to the staff at SPY Optic after the deadline passes. The ideal timing is late at night one or two days before the event, long after the event has closed and everyone is in overdrive putting the last touches on the course, the venue, and the countywide infrastructure that something like this requires.

So DO NOT REGISTER NOW. Wait and send one (or all) of these messages instead. You’ll be in like Flynn, and you can tell ’em that Wanky sent ya.

  1. The Ol’ Buddy Ol’ Pal Grovel: Yo, MMX, what up? Dooshy McGillicuddy here — we rode together on the Swami’s Ride two years ago, it was in August. You probably don’t remember me but I said hi just before you guys hit the jets at PCH and Encinitas Blvd. Ennyhoo … been planning on the BWR all year, did some BIG MILEZ over the winter (check my Strava, I friended you and kudos on ripping that dirt section last week, BADASS) but dude I completely forgot to register. Can you help a buddy out? Gonna be bummed here in PARADISE if I don’t get to ride, bro. Also, can you comp my entry?
  2. The Beggar Blogger: Hi, Michael and team. Really looking forward to covering the BWR this year on my blog, Shitheads in the South Bay and my sister publication, Red Kite Bore. We’re hitting some pretty good numbers — site stats are up to 15 views and 3 unique readers per week. Our event coverage is saturation bombing, and I’m glad to do it because I love what you do and want to help grow the sport. By the way, I somehow missed the registration. Did you forget to notify me? Stuff slips through the cracks, and I’m sure you have a lot on your plate. If you could squeeze me in I’d be deeply appreciative, and trust me, you’ll get a big media bump when I turn on the spigot. Also, can you comp my entry and a BWR kit?
  3. The Cat 2 UCI Pro Proposal: Hey, MMX! Good racing against the SPY guys last weekend. You guys have come a long way, props. I had Anderson and Alverson in the box on that last turn, but decided to sit up after I hit the cones and went off-course and I let them take the one-two. I’ve been on the podium enough this year and don’t mind spreading the glory around, plus it helps your brand. Hey, I was meaning to register for the BWR this year. I have done a ton of miles (no dirt but that’s NBD) and am expecting my Cat 1 upgrade and then the call-up to the pros later this year. Might be nice to have me rocking the SPY shades over in Europe (for a fee! Just kidding!). Anyway, shoot me the pro entry promo code when you get a chance. Also, can you comp my entry and a BWR kit and give me a couple of extra beer tickets?
  4. The Aged Profamateur Living in a Car: Pretty disappointing to have missed the registration for this ride. Thought you might help. Lots of my life given to the sport. Taught you a few things if I remember correctly. Glad for your success. Doubtless room for one more bike. Out of cat food so need comped entry. Also need comped BWR kit and couple cases of beer, and tell Ames to let me have trash bags with half-eaten waffles and melted ice cream. Calories are calories.
  5. Greedy Team Leech: Hi, MMX! Sucky McSuckwater here! Team camp was awesome; love the new kits and shades (shoot me a couple of extra skinsuits and maybe another Daft when you get a sec, need it by next Tuesday). I’ve got big racing plans this year after taking a sabbatical in 2012, 2013, and 2014. Can you believe I waited til the last minute to register and now it’s fuggin’ full? The bikereg site is a pain. Maybe use someone else next year for online signups? Be sure to register me. Team guys ride free I’m assuming. I know there are four waves this year, so put me in the first wave. Shirley, Trebon, Prenzlow, and Tinstman are gonna feel my burn this year. Also, aren’t the fees kind of high? I’m not really down with that, for other people, I mean.

END

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§ 25 Responses to Belgian Waffle Ride 2015 — DO NOT REGISTER!!!!!

  • Dan K says:

    Oh crap…I already registered. Can I give it back?

  • DangerStu says:

    I bought extra and plan on ebaying them in mid April.

  • hoggel says:

    The ride has arrived! Tweeted by @ghincapie yesterday.
    Looks like @spyoptic knows how to make people suffer with a smile. Watch the #SPYBWR movie here: http://bitly.com/spybwr2014

  • Crashgybe says:

    Isn’t it In like Flint? James Coburn rocked! That dude could do BWR on a tricyle with training wheels wearing a full tux, makin’ the bikini babes swoon as he dusted all of us. Shirley would be all like, “Surely you don’t mean that”.

    I’m gonna watch that Jen vid again. No need to train with that going’ on.

    • fsethd says:

      “In like Flynn” comes from Errol Flynn, the great Hollywood star of the 20’s and 30’s who was famous for getting his way with women and infamous for his activities as a pedophile and child rapist.

  • Liz says:

    I watched 3 videos you linked to and they were so awesome I forgot to read the blog. What’s it about again? Young women shaking asses and old men racing bikes on dirt on the wrong bike?
    Something like that, right?

  • TheMiz says:

    Goddamn it, this stupid blog that for some reason I pay you $3 a month to read just got me to register for this stupid waffle bike flauntfest.

    WHAT IS THIS WITCHCRAFT YOU CALL A BLOG

  • Woody Foster says:

    Goddammit that looks awesome!!.
    My letter will go like this…Hey Mr, Just got my roster and it has me in LA over the dates of the Belgian Waffle ride. I know it’s short notice but I can get you international exposure by travelling the world with the scars left from your ride and having people ask “jeez. ..how did THAT happen??”
    So please grant me a late entry. I’ll probably do quite well too cause the roads in NZ they call HWYs are very similar to the terrain you show in your video.
    Cheers
    Cheapairlinepilot.

  • Hani Freudenberger says:

    I just signed up, because I want the socks.

  • Tamar T. says:

    I’m waiting for the SPY Belgian Chocolate Ride. But I can’t wait to read your ride reports!

  • Greg says:

    Hey, in lieu of the $2.95 Paypal thing, can I offer the service of relieving you of your bottle of Lost Abbey?

  • channel_zero says:

    I’m working hard on my excuses:

    -I don’t hae a gravel bike. I might die without one specialy designed for the event.
    -The dogs need a vigorous walk on the exact day of every difficult ride in SoCal.
    -I’ve got a list of honey-do’s a mile long and I’m going to do three of them.
    -My new carbon wheels aren’t in yet.
    -My “old” carbon wheels create dangerous super-heated zones due to the wind resistance from primitive shape. I’m sure you’ve seen the contrails.
    -Rained too much.
    -I have to defrag my ext3 formatted hard disk drive. If I’m not watching it, I might break the Internet.

    More to come.

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