Ex-NFL doping public masturbator to challenge Froome, Contador
March 24, 2015 § 35 Comments
The cycling world collectively shook in fear when retired NFL tight end Kellen Winslow, Jr., 32, announced that he was going to begin competing as a professional cyclist. Cycling in the South Bay met up with Winslow after his Tuesday meeting at Mast-Anon.
CitSB: So how’s your training going? I understand that you’re up to a whole 50-60 miles per day?
KWJ: Whatever it takes. 50, 60, even 70 miles at a pop, don’t mean nothin’ to me.
CitSB: And it sounds like you’re already seeing some good results?
KWJ: Good results? I’m killin’ this shit. A first and two seconds in my first three Cat 5 races, and a sixth in my first Cat 4.
CitSB: That’s impressive.
KWJ: Damn straight.
CitSB: How long are you giving yourself to go from Cat 4 to the pro ranks?
KWJ: I plan on doing it real methodical-like, I ain’t in no hurry. You gotta take time to make time. So I’m giving it six months to make sure my body fully adapts.
CitSB: What kind of adaptations are required to go from being a 10-year NFL veteran to a pro bike racer?
KWJ: The biggest thing is changing your body. My playing weight in the NFL was 245, that’s big for a pro cyclist. So I’ve had to lean up, drop a lot of upper body weight. I’m down to 215, which is really small, you know? Once I get down to 200, 205, I will sign up for the Tour de France.
CitSB: Sign up?
KWJ: Yeah. That’s how I entered all my races so far, with the online sign up thing. Pre-registration saves you, like ten bucks. Why I’m gonna give ten bucks to the promoter? This is all part of being a professional in any sport, planning ahead. You plan the work and you work the plan.
CitSB: So you have a bit of a history with doping bans and the use of illegal performance enhancing drugs. Do you think that will be a problem for you in cycling?
KWJ: Me? Naw. That was a set-up. I don’t know anything about that. It could have been anything, something spiked in my food or something. I use a lot of supplements to get fast, everyone does. And sometimes the manufacturer puts things in your supplement and you test positive, see? And if that happens to me racing bikes, well, it’s not the end of the world. What’s four races?
KWJ: Yeah, what’s four races, especially since they have several races in a week, or some races you can like do two races in one day.
CitSB: I don’t follow you.
KWJ: Dude, I got some bogus positive test in the NFL and they suspended me for four games. That’s a big deal in the NFL when you’re getting paid $50k per game. So I get some bogus positive test racing my bike and get suspended for four races, that’s not the end of the world, like I said.
CitSB: Gotcha. The old “four race suspension.” Now what about this public masturbation thing?
KWJ: Aw, man, that is old stuff. Why are you bringing that shit up?
CitSB: Well, according to the police report …
KWJ: Fuck the police report. What do you think I am, a pervert?
CitSB: It said you were whacking off in a Target parking lot with two open containers of Vaseline on the console.
KWJ: That’s just bull. I’m a K-Y man, anyhow.
CitSB: Okay, well, is there anything else you’d like to add?
KWJ: Yeah. How do you fill up these backpack water jugs in the Tour de France?
CitSB: Your team director will probably handle that for you.
KWJ: Okay, cool.
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