ASO/UCI rapprochement founders on Vaughters’s fashion choices

December 22, 2015 § 11 Comments

After Amaury Sports Organization refused to register its races as Pro Tour events, choosing instead the lower HC classification that will exempt it from reforms put in place by the UCI, both sides met to resolve the impasse. However, the rapprochement fell apart after neither side could agree who would be photographed with rider-team representative Jonathan Vaughters.

CitSB sat down with Christian Prudhomme of ASO and Brian Cookson of the UCI to discuss the failed negotiations.

CitSB: Is this the end of professional cycling?

CP: Mostly.

BC: I’d have to say that it is.

CitSB: Can you elaborate?

CP: Green suit jacket with green vest and green tie? This is a monstrosity, an insult to all things tasteful and French.

BC: We still haven’t gotten over clown red dorksuit, really.

CitSB: Oh, the gray tweed with the argyle wool sweater and bright red tie on pink shirt with white floppy tubey collars? Yes. Yes.

CP: We could swallow that. It was difficult but we could. We did. And we overlooked the double-breasted powder greenish mini-pinstripe with green mini-check shirt and peach tie with green paisleys and the quarter-fold peach paisley pocket square.

BC: We didn’t overlook it. We vomited. Repeatedly. But that was a mere speck of fly tongue in the porridge as compared to the royal electric blue stooge jacket with broad candycane pinstripes murdered by a white-and-blue polka dot tie. (Retches.)

CitSB: Surely one more hideous outfit bought from a Men’s Wearhouse salesman on acid hasn’t wrecked pro cycling?

CP: Have you forgotten the houndstooth oversuitjacketvest? With blue mini-checks and a full beard? Have you?

BC: Or the diamond-end muttonchops?

CP: Followed by the laser-razer rapier stabbers?

CitSB: I still remember when a rider passed out from seeing his untucked pink check shirt flopping over a pair of long wool green plaid shorts. So there’s no hope of a resolution?

CP: No.

BC: Hell, no.

CitSB: I get it.

END

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§ 11 Responses to ASO/UCI rapprochement founders on Vaughters’s fashion choices

  • dangerstu says:

    Thanks for cutting through the fluff and getting to the heart of the matter! Oh and have you heard if the search for the ASO’s pacifier has been successful yet?

  • Tamar T. says:

    “Tattersall describes a check or plaid pattern woven into cloth. The pattern is composed of regularly-spaced thin, even vertical warp stripes, repeated horizontally in the weft, thereby forming squares. The stripes are usually in two alternating colours, generally darker on a light ground.” I love Tattersall. Consequently, I loved the grey jacket with the Tattersall shirt. The ASO, not so much.

  • Wrench Monkey says:

    Gee, maybe he should just wear Dockers and a Polo shirt like all the other white guys. No matter what though, he should NOT wear the pink checked shirt with the green plaid shorts! That is just WRONG!

  • Winemaker says:

    I have been AWOL but just caught up this morning….saw a pretty cool quote on an email, and i thought I would share, about why someone likes cycling:

    I like the spectacle of the races, the tactics (when I can discern them), and the never-ending attempts of the racers to cheat each other. It is a real circus. And I like JV’s clothes.

    • fsethd says:

      Maybe you could be the intermediary between ASO and UCI?

      • Winemaker says:

        I took a trip to Switzerland in 2006, courtesy of AEG re bringing the World’s to California….the UCI was a joke, never ending leveraging and begging and threatening, all in the name of hospitality suites and free rental cars and free hotel rooms and (gasp!) payola! It was disgusting. I like watching Boulevard and Red Trolley more than the Tour, and that a sad frigging thing….great weather for a road ride today, eh?

      • fsethd says:

        It qualifies as sunny and warm if you’re Belgian or Irish.

      • LesB says:

        Winemaker: If they offered free bikes, I’d-a caved. I can be a whore as well as the next guy.

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