WARNING: CONTAINS WORDS

June 13, 2016 § 32 Comments

So I said something that was factual but painful:

  1. Memorial rides for murdered cyclists don’t change laws or policy.
  2. Most memorial riders have never engaged in any concrete steps to change law or policy by writing letters, attending public meetings, or reporting crimes against cyclists.

I picked the Kalamazoo “Ride of Silence” as an example, but it could have been any memorial ride, including the one for Milt Olin, who was killed by a texting sheriff’s deputy. No charges filed against the Milt’s killer, thank you very much, who hopefully retired and got a full pension.

Among the unhappy readers was this one:

angry_cyclist

So it’s too bad that Jim deliberately mis-read what I wrote and that he sends his email from his wife’s account. And it’s too bad that he thinks I said that no one should memorialize the dead. And it’s even worse that his first instinct, which was to share something that needed to be said, resulted in a case of reader’s remorse, where his friends piled onto him for daring to suggest that memorial rides change nothing and that most memorial riders do not participate in cycling advocacy.

I was mildly relieved that he at least got in a few gratuitous personal attacks to liven things up.

Butthurtedness is painful, I get that. I also get that people usually prefer to read what they think rather than what is actually written. And I get that nothing is worse than being brave enough to say something that needs saying only to find out that you’re really not that brave after all and, upon reflection, you take it all back and you’re really sorry and you didn’t mean it and fuck that Seth Davidson dude.

Of course the problem really is me. More specifically, it’s my words. And it occurred to me that some people who come to this blog need to be warned before they get too far because the act of reading apparently causes them to break out in a rectal rash. Here, then, is the cautionary text:

WARNING: THIS BLOG CONTAINS WORDS

The words contained in this blog are frequently arranged in sequences that result in the expression of thoughts, opinions, and facts that may cause the medical condition referred to as “butthurtedness.”

Some of the words have poisonous properties, others can inspire feelings of anger and hate, some cause appreciation and inspiration, and certain schematic arrangements when consumed with drugs or alcohol may even result in humor. Consequently, word consumers of this blog are advised not to operate heavy machinery or equipment, or to operate motor vehicles during and immediately after consumption of words found here.

Operation of toilets during morning pooping is generally the safest method for word consumption on this blog.

The words contained here are also not recommended for word consumers who have difficulty with diverse opinions, nor are they appropriate for those whose main goal in word consumption is the confirmation of each and every word arrangement that they may previously be fond of using, utilize in their own blogs, or admire in sacred texts.

IN THE EVENT YOU CONSUME A WORD HERE AND FIND YOUR ASS GETTING SORE, PLEASE TAKE THE FOLLOWING STEPS WITHOUT DELAY!

  1. Cease all word consumption immediately and navigate to a different URL. Word consumption here is never mandatory.
  2. Remind yourself that the words on this blog are what’s known as “words.”
  3. Apply ointment to the red spots around your butt.
  4. Limit your word consumption to blogs/news outlets/pamphlets that are in agreement with the word arrangements you typically consume.

END

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§ 32 Responses to WARNING: CONTAINS WORDS

  • Brian in VA says:

    Only read the things with which I agree? Perish the thought!

    I much prefer to read things that make me think or ask more questions, having realized, in my late 50s, that not only do I not have all the answers, I don’t even know all the questions, yet!

  • dangerstu says:

    I still think people are missing the point, and that your frosting recipes especially the butterscotchare the best on the web.

    • fsethd says:

      Have you seen my catz videoz yetz?

      • dangerstu says:

        No, I’ve tried reading the blog backwards at 45 instead of 33 words per minute, like I’ve heard you should, to get the secret messages and video’s but so far all I’ve read is “consume typically you arrangements…” which I think is code for written by a wanker with a leaky prostrate that uses words…

      • fsethd says:

        The code. Finally cracked. Now you can finally junk your record player.

  • Bob says:

    Can I use your disclaimer , or is it copyrighted?

  • Sandy says:

    Seth,

    My wife and I after reading your blog on the need for NO SILENCE, said “Absolutely Right!”

    Keep it up and thank you.

    • fsethd says:

      Thank you, Sandy. Contrary to popular belief, it pains me when fellow cyclists get angry and think I’m picking on them. I pick on everyone, including myself, for failing to stop the bloodshed. We have to do better and we have to make sure the energy is directed where it can have an effect. Memorial rides are good and cathartic, whether the loved one died in a collision or from cancer or from old age. Now the next step is making those same participants political.

  • number1bikermonkey says:

    Seth, I really appreciate your words. Your post about memorial rides was one of the best I’ve seen. Sometimes the words that are painful to read, or that stir up the strongest emotions and controversy, are the most important we see. Please keep them coming and let us know when Wanky dartboards are available for purchase!

    • fsethd says:

      Thank you! Means a lot. So many dead and horrible injured. I will contact my friends in Michigan for an update on dartboard delivery.

  • Bill Stone says:

    Jim writes: … “if I WAS your friend.” I think he meant to write “if I WERE your friend.” But subjunctive is hard, like reading.

  • Winemaker says:

    Seth,
    I think all of these “silent” types should remember, as MLK did, and said,
    that non-violence does NOT MEAN SILENCE.
    Even I, a dyed in the wool redneck/environmentalist, believe wholly in loudmouthery, especially when conceived in the cauldron of intelligent foretohught.

    • fsethd says:

      Or even when conceived in foolhardiness. The value is breaking the silence. Sometimes you have to make mistakes, trot out half-baked ideas, retrench and try again. But sitting around mourning for the dead without fighting for the living honors neither.

  • tehcrash says:

    If what you said was easy to do and pleasant to read, someone else would’ve already done that long time ago.

    This is a difficult subject and your posts’ intent was to stir emotions and to push people into action; I think from the responses you have got so far, you achieved that goal. Keep fighting the good fight, Seth, I’ll cheer on you from the other end of the world!

    (Past tenses are hard, apologies for any mistakes, English is my 2nd language)

  • Joe Clement says:

    I was just glad to see that your disclaimer didn’t mention diarrhea, constipation, or anal leakage.

  • Toronto says:

    A warning, huh? I think they also put those on ladders. I never read ’em.

  • Rab says:

    Wait, READING!?!?! What evil trickery is this? I don’t come to the Internet to READ, just look at pictures, videos that never load and a few words (nothing close to a full sentence) at best.
    Guess it’s back to velo or velonews for mindless internetting.

  • marc Caruso says:

    Hey who cares who was butthurt. Your idea got borrowed by a CT congressman so you know your blog was right. Those that were offended are obviously hypocrites they weren’t butthurt by the Jim HInes speech on the Orlando shooting..

    • fsethd says:

      Who was the congressman? And I’m soon marketing Wanky’s Butt Balm for those whose asses need salving.

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