WARNING: CONTAINS WORDS
June 13, 2016 § 32 Comments
So I said something that was factual but painful:
- Memorial rides for murdered cyclists don’t change laws or policy.
- Most memorial riders have never engaged in any concrete steps to change law or policy by writing letters, attending public meetings, or reporting crimes against cyclists.
I picked the Kalamazoo “Ride of Silence” as an example, but it could have been any memorial ride, including the one for Milt Olin, who was killed by a texting sheriff’s deputy. No charges filed against the Milt’s killer, thank you very much, who hopefully retired and got a full pension.
Among the unhappy readers was this one:
So it’s too bad that Jim deliberately mis-read what I wrote and that he sends his email from his wife’s account. And it’s too bad that he thinks I said that no one should memorialize the dead. And it’s even worse that his first instinct, which was to share something that needed to be said, resulted in a case of reader’s remorse, where his friends piled onto him for daring to suggest that memorial rides change nothing and that most memorial riders do not participate in cycling advocacy.
I was mildly relieved that he at least got in a few gratuitous personal attacks to liven things up.
Butthurtedness is painful, I get that. I also get that people usually prefer to read what they think rather than what is actually written. And I get that nothing is worse than being brave enough to say something that needs saying only to find out that you’re really not that brave after all and, upon reflection, you take it all back and you’re really sorry and you didn’t mean it and fuck that Seth Davidson dude.
Of course the problem really is me. More specifically, it’s my words. And it occurred to me that some people who come to this blog need to be warned before they get too far because the act of reading apparently causes them to break out in a rectal rash. Here, then, is the cautionary text:
WARNING: THIS BLOG CONTAINS WORDS
The words contained in this blog are frequently arranged in sequences that result in the expression of thoughts, opinions, and facts that may cause the medical condition referred to as “butthurtedness.”
Some of the words have poisonous properties, others can inspire feelings of anger and hate, some cause appreciation and inspiration, and certain schematic arrangements when consumed with drugs or alcohol may even result in humor. Consequently, word consumers of this blog are advised not to operate heavy machinery or equipment, or to operate motor vehicles during and immediately after consumption of words found here.
Operation of toilets during morning pooping is generally the safest method for word consumption on this blog.
The words contained here are also not recommended for word consumers who have difficulty with diverse opinions, nor are they appropriate for those whose main goal in word consumption is the confirmation of each and every word arrangement that they may previously be fond of using, utilize in their own blogs, or admire in sacred texts.
IN THE EVENT YOU CONSUME A WORD HERE AND FIND YOUR ASS GETTING SORE, PLEASE TAKE THE FOLLOWING STEPS WITHOUT DELAY!
- Cease all word consumption immediately and navigate to a different URL. Word consumption here is never mandatory.
- Remind yourself that the words on this blog are what’s known as “words.”
- Apply ointment to the red spots around your butt.
- Limit your word consumption to blogs/news outlets/pamphlets that are in agreement with the word arrangements you typically consume.
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