One for the hardasses

July 27, 2016 § 24 Comments

The best way to attend a city council meeting, it turns out, is by doing a full-gas, 60-minute training crit immediately prior. That way your legs will be shattered and you will be grateful for the chance to sit, no matter how many hours it takes.

In the case of last night’s Palos Verdes Estates city council meeting, whereat we had gathered to support bike signage and oppose the naysayers who think that death is a reasonable “Darwinistic” penalty for cyclists who fail to follow all traffic laws, the main thing we had to do was sit.

And sit we did.

We sat through the Citizen’s Academy award ceremony. We sat through the cupcake-and-Snapple social which followed, well, we didn’t “sit” so much as we rushed the snacks and behaved as only cyclists do when presented free sugary food. We sat through the presentation on the attack on the water supply. We sat through the discussion of the Helicopter Noise Safety Committee. Most astonishingly and butt-painfully, we sat through the discussion of the dead elephant in the park retaining wall and turnaround with $70,000 engineering study for fire safety that the battalion chief said wasn’t needed and the $100,000 county grant and the $400,000 hot tub and the hammerheads.

By the time the council got to Item No. 7 it was almost 10:00 PM and the standing-room-only crowd had thinned to the hardy, relentless, grizzled, ass-toughened cyclist contingent for whom three hours seated on a plank was barely even a warm-up.

The council stared in horror at the 23 speaker cards piled in front of them, because with a 3-minute allotment for each speaker it meant that no one would get home before midnight. That’s when Delia Park proposed that, out of pity and mercy for unpaid city council, rather than subject them to 109 minutes of “I been bikin’ since … and as far as bikes is concerned I think … and iff’n you ast me … ” we would simply appoint Bearclaw to get up and speak for all of us.

I thought the mayor and a couple of the council members were going to cry out of gratitude, and even though they gave Bearclaw an extra two minutes to speak he wrapped the whole thing up nice as you please and the council voted:

  1. To pull down and throw away the evil and distasteful “Bike Laws Strictly Enforced” signs.
  2. To put up the beautiful and majestic “3 Feet It’s the Law” signs.
  3. To send the “Bikes May Use the Fuggin Lane” signs back to committee for further study.

I staggered out and pedaled home, immensely grateful to the city council and to each one of these people for showing up and democracying:

  • Lane Reid
  • Ivan Fernandez
  • Bob Spalding
  • Joey Cooney
  • Patrick Noll
  • Yasuko Davidson
  • Seth Davidson
  • Craig Eggers
  • Joann Zwagermann
  • Brent Davis
  • Greg Seyranian
  • Tom Duong
  • Pete Richardson
  • Don Wolfe
  • Greg Leibert
  • Delia Park
  • Gigi Kramer
  • David Kramer
  • Kristie Fox
  • Wendy Watson
  • Chris Gregory
  • Francis Hardiman
  • Bruce Steele
  • Michael Barraclough
  • Kathryn Kempton
  • Geoffrey Loui
  • George Sefler
  • Gerard Melling

If you’re bummed that you didn’t get to spend from 7:30 PM to 10:30 PM seated on a church pew hearing about hot tubs and dead elephants, there will be a next time, and it will be soon!

END

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