Names of shame

September 13, 2016 § 9 Comments

The nomination process for the 4th Annual South Bay Cycling Awards™ a/k/a The Wankies™ has ended, and a rigorous selection that involved random people sending in names of friends, enemies, themselves, and their pets has resulted in the most impressive list of nominees since the beginning of this amazing event, which, admittedly, is a pretty low bar since our original nominees in 2012 included Brad House and we had to randomly give away several awards because no one showed up to claim them.

How times have changed, because nowadays Everybody Wants a Wanky™ and the lobbying has gotten shameless, insidious, bribe-filled, and intense. In addition to becoming a star-studded event that boasts Olympic medalists, Euro Pro Tour icons, and every ragtag wanker on a carbon bike in the South Bay, the Wankies™ continue to attract people who have absolutely no idea what we’re doing.

We’re proud to partner this year with the Southern California and Nevada Cycling Association, our USA Cycling District that administers amateur racing and that has recently elected a new board, dedicated to the proposition that bike racing should be fun. They’ll be handing out awards to the best racers of the year as well as a plethora of other escutcheons signifying greatness, near-greatness, or soon-to-be-greatness.

The nominees are below. Next week we’ll be posting the finalists, who will have been subjected to an excruciating analysis by a high-level board of razor-sharp cyclists whose choices cannot be swayed by anything besides careful, rational analysis, raging emotion, and bribery. There will be some butthurtedness after reading the list below. I for one am outraged that no one saw fit to nominate me for best female rider or best cycling club.

List of Nominees

  1. 2016 Greatest Advocate: Ted Rogers, Don Ward, Gary Cziko, Michael Barraclough, Seth Davidson, Gil Dodson, Al Crawford, Helen’s, David Kramer, Delia Park, Jaycee Cary, Brian Co, Sarah Barraclough for BMUFL/Master Safety Plan advocates
  2. 2016 Best Bike Shop: Safety Cycle, Sprocket Cycles, Bike Palace, Penuel Bikes, Shift Mobile, Bike Improve, Surf City Cyclery, Shift Mobile Bike Shop, Helen’s, Performance Bicycle, Peyton Cooke, The Old Bike Shop
  3. 2016Best Young Rider: Bader Aqil, Sam Boardman, Ryder Phillips, Makayla Macpherson, Zoe Ta Perez, Diego Binatena, Ari Elkins, Brandon McNulty, Jules Gilliam, Alex Wulfgang Lochmiller, Ivy Koester, Sean Quinn, Stanley Sez, Julian Rosenbloom
  4. 2016 Best Old Rider: George Pommel, Wendy Watson, Joe Yule, Jim Heise, Tim Gillibrand, Kurt Sato, Gil Dodson, Andrew Nuckles, Rich Manzella, Jan Palchikoff, Michael Hines, Thurlow Rogers, David Holland, Seth Davidson, Kevin Phillips, Pete Richardson, Rich Mull, Jimmy Huizar, Stanley Sez
  5. 2016 Most Improved: Kristie Fox, Kevin Nix, Ramon Ramos, Zoe Ta-Perez,
    Alex Flores, David Holland, Chad Moston, David Wells, Rob Dollar, Makayla Macpherson, Bader Aqil, Josh Alverson, Alex Flores, Steve Shriver, Patricia Murray, Stanley Sez, Kevin Nix
  6. 2016 Best Club: Long Beach Freddies, BCCC, Big Orange, SBW, Manhattan Beach GP, PV Bike Chicks, Velo Club La Grange, Surf City Cyclery
  7. 2016 Best Event: Rock Cobbler, Wankies, Dogtown Ride, SoCal Cross Gravel Grinder Series, Cycling Savvy, Dana Point Grand Prix, San Dimas Stage Race, Levi’s Grand Fondue, Manhattan Beach Grand Prix, Yellow Vase Ride, BWR, Barrio Logan Grand Prix, Amgen TOC, Flog Ride, NPR
  8. 2016 Wanker of the Year:Heath Evans, Newport Surfer Dude, Lunada Bay Boys on Mom’s Couch, Mason Katz, Peter Smith, Jenny Vrentas, Dan Cobley, Seth Davidson, Dan Bilzerian, Denis Faye, Roberto Hegeler, James Doyle, Chuck Huang, Stathis Sakellariadis, James Cowan, David Kim, Frank Ponce, Dan Kroboth, Dan Kroboth, Stanley Sez
  9. 2016 Belgian Award: James Cowan, Robert Frank, Michael Hines, Ryan Steers, Pablo Maida, Jules Gilliam, Derek Brauch, Shirtless Keith, Evens Stievenart, Stanley Sez, Marilyne Deckman
  10. 2016 Group Ride Champion: Josh Alverson, Joann Zwagermann, Trevor Dowd, Matt Cuttler, Aaron Wimberley, Tony Manzella, Evens Stievenart, Elijah Shabazz, Matt Miller, Drew Kogan, Katie Donovan, Pablo Maida, Stanley Sez
  11. 2016 Best Sponsor: Beachbody, StageOne, Chevron, Santa Monica BMW, GQ6, Seth Davidson, Herbalife, Helen’s Cycles, RAAM, Back on Track Productions (lol)
  12. 2016 Best Male Racer: Evens Stievenart, Charon Smith, Derek Brauch, Josh Alverson, Jeff Konsmo, Justin Williams, Alistair Miller, Brandon McNulty, Thomas Rennier, Sam Boardman, Chad Moston, Stanley Sez, Matt Wikstrom
  13. 2016 Best Female Racer: Marilyne Deckman, Makayla Macpherson, Zoe Ta Perez, Katie Donovan, Lauren Mulwitz, Holly Breck, Kristabel Doebel-Hickock, Lizabeth Armas, Joy Duerkson-McCulloch, Jo Celso, Katey Wymbs, Olive Sez, Holly Breck, Heidi Volpe,
  14. 2016 GC Award: Joe Yule, Derek Brauch, Matt Wikstrom, David Holland, David Jaeger, Sam Boardman, Derek Brauch, Kayle Leogrande, Thomas Rennier, James Cowan, Tony Manzella, SBW Masters Worlds Track Team, Joe Yule, Stanley Sez
  15. 2016 Crashtacular Fred:Michael Hines, Marvin Campbell, Steve Shriver, Andrew Nuckles, Shon Holderbaum, Matt Wikstrom, Patrick Barrett, Seth Davidson, Tom Duong, Tom Buescher, Ray Dillman
  16. 2016 Strava KOM: Chris Tregillis, Tony Manzella, Michael Marckx, Brian Perkins, Lane Reid, Joann Zwagermann, Ryan Steers, William Evan Thomas, Thomas Rennier, Stanley Sez
  17. 2016 Most Happy to Help others:Joann Zwagermann, Yves-Marc, David Kramer, Chris Gregory, Patrick Barrett, William Aligue, John McNulty, Lloyd Bandonillo, Big Orange, Bob Spalding, Greg Leibert, Jeff Shein, Erickson Marques, Thomas Rennier, Erickson Marques, Seth Davidson, Michael Barraclough, Stanley Sez, Big Orange
  18. 2016 Most Fun: Robert Frank, David Wells, Sochin Lee, Peta Takai, Patrick Barrett, Donnie Marquez, Seth Davidson, Joann Zwagermann, Matt Miller, Drew Kogan, Gus Bayle, Patricia Murray, Stanley Sez
  19. 2016 Best Spouse/SO: Jeanette Seyranian, Yasuko Davidson, Jennifer Hirsch, Gabriella Szegedi Loughnot, Jami Brauch, Lisa Miller, Jena Rennier, Debbie Hoang, Elizabeth Alpert, Ray Landes, Robert Efthimos
  20. 2016 Ian Davidson South Bay Rider of the Year:Evens Stievenart, Robert Efthimos, Seth Davidson, Tony Manzella, Kristabel Doebel-Hickock, Makayla Macpherson, Derek Brauch, James Cowan, Michael Barraclough, Brian Koester, Stanley Sez

END

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