2019 Cycling Resolutions

January 9, 2019 § 5 Comments

These are just in time to sub for all the other one’s you’ve already given up on!

  1. Refuse to commit. Except for your commitment not to commit. Commit to 20k miles this year, or commit to quitting cycling forever. Either way, don’t follow through!
  2. Climb better. By not climbing. Instead, Facebook and the Gram. You got this or not.
  3. Try doping. You’ve heard about it and it works.
  4. Break the mold. Come up with the weirdest training regimen ever. Kimchi diet? Nose breathing? Reverse breakaways? Nothing is too kooky for you to lay it out there.
  5. Become virtual. Join every social media platform that exists. Load them up with your cycling activities. Watch the friendships blossom!!!!!!!
  6. Get on the grid. Replace all your bikes with electric ones. Sweat is so 20th Century.
  7. Tat up. No tat? No cred!
  8. Build a wall. Create your own #leavemethefuckalone ride. Let uncool people know where they stand: Alone.
  9. Find your inner kamikaze. Learn to descend faster. Heck, don’t learn. Just do it. “Speed is your friend,” quoth Manslaughter.
  10. Measure up. Convert your cycling data obsession to the rest of your life so it will be just as satisfying and happy as the joy you get from poring over post-ride power data!

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§ 5 Responses to 2019 Cycling Resolutions

  • dangerstu says:

    1. Love the people you love.
    2. Ride ya fuggin bike.

  • senna65 says:

    1. Quit road racing (crits). You can replace crits with Cross races which are much more fun and lower chance of DNC being your best possible outcome. Also, road is exceptionally boring, even at the pro level. The best bike riders in the world like van der Poel and Schurter and Sagan (too late for him) clearly recognize that. Road also unhealthy, as it is purely power to weight with low weight and general scrawniness the road (no pun) mostly taken. Take up MTB racing. 2. Read as many of Wanker’s buddy Steve Tilford’s blogs as possible in 2019.

  • senna65 says:

    and for the love of god, if you are not paying Wanker that nominal bullshit fee of 2.50 each month, please do in 2019 – this coming from someone who thinks Wanker is FOS at least half the time…even then, the best 2 fitty i spend every month

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