Gitcher Belgian on

January 20, 2016 § 11 Comments

BWR_Social_FBLINK

It’s that time of year. Oh, wait, no it isn’t.

That time of year is Spring, April  24, 2016 at 8:00 AM sharp.

What now is, is the time of year when you sign up for the Belgian Waffle Ride far enough in advance so that you think you’ll be ready for it. The good news is that you will be! The bad news is that you won’t.

This year’s edition, the fifth, features another leisurely spin through the gentle rolling hills and well-maintained road surfaces of North San Diego County. As in past years, the BWR will be pain-free, fun, easy to complete, and filled with happy conversation as you pedal long miles side-by-side with friends, catching up on family news and philosophizing about life, dark matter, and what’s really going on with Chinese stocks.

Of course there may be one or two riders with a different agenda, and who, rather than seeing the BWR as a casual LSD pedal, see instead a painful mix of dirt, tarmac, water, gravel, and rocky sections buffered on all sides by difficulty, epic challenges, and extremely tough riding conditions.

But what do they know?

Well, they may know this …

Although each BWR has been more monumental than the one before, the 2016 edition is the toughest yet. At 144 miles, it is the longest, has the most dirt sectors, and rarely traverses an intersections. The complexity of the course means that there’s something there for everyone, except those who really want to stop. For them, there will be six major and six minor aid stations, some of which will offer tequila or Belgian ale while still offering water, Coke, and event-sponsored beverages.

Some of the sections are so hard you’ll have to walk unless your name is Phil Tinstman or Neil Shirley. Some of the heroic dirt sections from past years such as Black Canyon, Canyon de Oro, and Lemontwistenberg will rear their ugly heads, but the new challenges of Lusardi and San Elijo also await. The rock garden of Lake Hodges has to be traversed in both directions this year, same as the Mule Trail. Perhaps the best feature is the Highland Valley beatdown, five miles of unvarnished climbing hell out to Ramona where you can contemplate forging ahead or calling it a day.

The only way you’ll find out, of course, is to do the dance and sign up for yet another year of full-gas pedalmashing. Better yet, if it’s your first time you can toe the line and discover what’s so fun about slamming a great waffle-egg-bacon-coffee breakfast, riding hard, competing against the best, capping off the ride with more good food and even better beer, then collapsing in a heap and hoping like hell you thought far enough in advance to arrange for a ride back home.

Registration is here: https://bitly.com/bwrreg2016.

Over the next few weeks I’ll put together a series of training plans tailored to the different needs of the various BWR participants. For now the simplest plan is also the hardest: Ride yer fuggin’ bike.

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Invest in yourself

January 11, 2016 § 2 Comments

rahsaan

Think about all the crap you’ve spent money on in order to go faster.

Right.

Now think about the rule of thirds for bike racing:

  1. 1/3 on training.
  2. 1/3 on aero.
  3. 1/3 on strategy.

Most people have it way out of whack. 2/3 on aero (and “stuff”), 1/3 on training, and 0/3 on strategy.

Why is that? First, it’s because people already think they know how to strategize a bike race. And second, for those who know they need help, it’s really difficult to find a top-notch pro who will let you pick his or her brain.

So here’s your chance to spend some time and money doing something that will improve you as a rider and as a racer–sign up for my friend Rahsaan Bahati’s race clinic here.

Rahsaan is a formidable competitor and an accomplished athlete. But what you will find out if you attend this clinic is that he is also a warm, friendly, funny, amazingly smart guy whose knowledge of crit racing is encyclopedic. His ability to break down a race, explain it, and draw teaching points out of the most mundane moments is unparalleled.

Take advantage of this. It will be a thousand times more beneficial than a new set of wheels.

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Time crawls when you’re not having fun

January 10, 2016 § 15 Comments

tuttle_creek

The customer has spoken when it comes to the kind of race they like:

  1. Close to home.
  2. Easy and safe to finish.
  3. Mathematical chance of victory.

Oddly, when these people put on their cycling fan hats, they idolize riders who do well in far-flung stage races that are incredibly hard, amazingly dangerous, and virtually impossible to win. This fits the psychological profile of “I want to be like that person without all work.”

While looking over the SCNCA race calendar for 2016, I’d like to make a recommendation for a race that you certainly have not done. I can say that with confidence because  last year the combined field including all categories and age groups had about fifteen people. All but five or six quit somewhere along the way.

This race is the immoral Tuttle Creek road race, slotted for February 6th in Lone Pine, at the foot of the eastern Sierras. I will tell you this: It’s harder than any other race on the calendar, and the first separation will occur within the first fifteen minutes. Worse news? You won’t be in the split. Instead, you and I will be off the back, then further off the back, and then quite simply alone.

The scenery was magnificent; incredible stone formations was set off against the gigantic Sierras themselves, and the iron gray sky lent a hardness to the atmosphere that perfectly matched the grueling nature of the day.

The climbing in this race was far harder than UCLA Punchbowl, Boulevard, or Vlees Huis. The hills were steep and punchy, long and grinding, and mostly endless. The downhill was easy and straight and safe and fast, but it ended much too quickly. Rain is always a possibility in February, and with El Nino it could easily be pouring, or, with a few degrees drop in temperature, could morph into freezing rain, sleet, or snow.

One of the loneliest moments in my life on a bike occurred during this race, with no one behind me for miles, no one visible ahead of me for miles, and the lone sign of a bike race was race promoter Steve standing on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere asking me if I wanted a gel, when what I desperately wanted was to quit and a blanket.

So why do it?

The first reason is that it supports the whacky promoter, a/k/a Motorcycle Steve, who you see zooming around on his motorcycle as a race official. Races are tough to put on, especially hard-ass road races far from LA that can be cold, or wet, or snowy, yet miserable even in the best conditions given the brutality of the course.

The second reason is that this kind of race promotes event diversity. If you have EVER complained about “too many crits,” you should nut up and do this bastard. If you finish you will count it among your best finishes ever.

The third reason is that the SCNCA calendar in 2016 has put the Decrepit Persons Bragging Event and State Championship early, early, early in the season. Getting the road fitness you will need to do well at the State Bragfest will depend on doing more than PCKRR with its baby climb, and maybe Boulevard. Tuttle Creek will whip you into shape and is a far better race than anything San Dimas has ever put on in terms of difficulty.

But the best reason of all is that finishing the event shortly before dark, wrung out, frozen to the core, and depleted of all precious bodily fluids, you get to tank up on a very ordinary cheeseburger at the cafe in Lone Pine that nonetheless tastes like the finest meal ever made. Trust me. It’s worth it.

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If it’s broke, fix it

January 6, 2016 § 26 Comments

Two things you can do to help fix the broke-down, dysfunctional mess that is the SCNCA:

  1. Vote to approve the amended bylaws.
  2. Nominate yourself or some other poor sap for one of the nine board of directors slots.
  3. Post this info on Facebag or your club website.

Of course nothing is that simple. YOU can’t actually vote to approve the bylaws. That can only be done by the designated representative of your club, and your club has to be a USAC and an SCNCA member. Sound complicated? That’s because it is.

So here’s what you do:

  1. Send this link to the boss man or boss woman of your club.
  2. Although your club should have already received a ballot, if they have not, contact Tom Fitzgibbon at tfitz1@me.com.

Voting on the amended bylaws is super important and has to be done by January 9. That’s Saturday. What is the amendment? It will allow SCNCA to communicate with its members (who are clubs, not individual racers) electronically, and will allow them to vote electronically. This means that going forward the SCNCA can reorganize without having to spend huge chunks of its budget on mail notifications as required by current bylaws.

If the bylaws are amended, SCNCA will have an electronic election for its new board of directors. The timeline for this, however, is super short. Fortunately, the self-nomination process is working. Many people have self-nominated, and there are now more candidates than have ever before run, but the deadline is January 10. So here’s what you do:

  1. Send your name to perfectday4j@gmail.com and announce your candidacy. You can even put “I’m a dope” in the subject line.
  2. Include a brief description of why you want the job and what your qualifications are. (Example: “I like to get screamed at by people; 28 years of marriage.”)
  3. Your club will receive an electronic voting link after the nominating period closes.
  4. Wait for election results on January 23.

In case I haven’t made it clear, please make sure this is brought to the attention of your club president. The deadlines are upon us and voting for change is desperately needed at SCNCA.

How badly is it needed?

This reform movement began when local cyclist and attorney David Huntsman sent this letter to the SCNCA. The issues raised in the letter, which basically centered around whether SCNCA’s trustees have been acting in a legal manner, and whether or not they have been fulfilling their fiduciary duties to the organization, led SCNCA to hire a lawyer.

And don’t come pissing and moaning to me about “wasting your money on a lawyer.” If SCNCA had been advised properly in the beginning we wouldn’t be where we are today. And if you don’t like lawyers and law, then there is a spot for you on the Malheur Wildlife Refuge Racing Team. And … there’s money at stake. SCNCA has spent (frittered away?) hundreds of thousands of dollars since its inception in 1998.

The attorney retained by SCNCA for peanuts, Tom Fitzgibbon of Velo Club LaGrange, has been racing for decades, served on VCLG’s board for years, and is a person for whom I have a lot of respect. Since he’s been hired by SCNCA, he represents the organization, not the individual interests of the trustees. This means that issues about how the organization is run and how its finances are managed will be examined by someone whose job it is to help make SCNCA better. And if things aren’t being done legally or properly, it’s Tom’s job to deliver the bad news so that SCNCA can start doing what it gets paid to do.

Nimble decision making and a new board of directors are crucial first steps if SCNCA is ever going to fulfill its mission of advancing racing in SoCal. David Huntsman is one of the nominees for the board of trustees, and he’s got my vote; I hope he gets yours.

See-through is best

The current SCNCA way of conducting business is opaque. There are no publicly available financials aside from a drop-down link on the web site’s “About” tab that says “Financials.” I dare you to click on it.

In addition to a steamed-glass approach to finances, which in my mind equates to shoddiness at best, chicanery at worst, SCNCA doesn’t make the records of its meetings public. Although it’s been around since 1998, there are only two meeting minutes posted under the “About” section; both of them from late last year, just around the time that Huntsman began asking pointed questions about the board’s operations.

My estimate is that with about 7,000 licensees in the district, SCNCA should be getting somewhere between $35,000 and $70,000 from USAC every year. Now although that may not seem like a lot of money, oh, wait, YES IT SURE FUCKING DOES.

How that money is spent should be transparent. With Fitzgibbon as counsel and a new board coming in, we can expect transparency. In fact, we should demand it.

Thanks where thanks are due

Although it’s easy to poke holes in the mismanagement and glaring failures of SCNCA, it’s important to also give thanks. There are many board members over the years who have given heart and soul to making bike racing here a fun and exciting sport. People like Greg Aden have done their level best and deserve our thanks.

Don’t ever call me an optimist, but as far as the upcoming changes at SCNCA go, I can say that it’s absolutely headed in the right direction. Now, please go vote. Even though, technically, you can’t.

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Turning back the clock

January 5, 2016 § 27 Comments

One of the recurring themes here at CitSB is the crushing inevitability of age, decay, and death, with an especial emphasis on the fact that cycling doesn’t make you young and that if you feel better at 50 than you did at 25 you must have felt like a warmed over dunghill when you were 25.

Despite this grimly realistic view of the impersonal impact that physics have on our random existence, for some strange reason I am unable to accept the truth no matter how hard I preach it. Hence my decision to submit an upgrade application to USAC last year.

Now, then. The last time I was a Cat 2 was in 1986. For most of the rest of that century I lived in Japan and Germany, and the bike racing I did didn’t require a US license. When I finally returned to the US and tried to get my old Cat 2 license back, they said, “Sure. What was your old license number?”

“I dunno.”

“When did you last have it?”

“1986.”

“Oh … ”

“Oh, what?”

“When we changed to USAC from USCF we also changed computer systems and lost all our old records. But give us your name and we’ll look.”

Turns out I never existed, but after begging and pleading  with the SCNCA district rep they agreed to let me start off as a Cat 4 and skip the certain-death Cat 5 events for the almost-certain-death Cat 4 ones.

What amazed me was how hard the racing was, and how weak I had become. Once I upgraded to Cat 3 and could do masters racing, I was amazed even more. The “ex-everything” masters category here in SoCal, which includes ex-pros, ex-elite national champions, ex-world champions and Olympian medalists, is also rife with current age-graded national champs, world champs, and pharmaceutical champs.

After several years of careful point-hoarding I finally submitted my upgrade request last year, which was promptly denied. “Your results are a fuggin’ joke. ZERO points for your 2nd place finish at Tuttle Creek RR because it only had TWO FUGGIN’ ENTRANTS you sandbaggin’ sack of Geritol.”

“Fuck it,” I said, “who cares? It’s not like I’ll ever do a Cat 2 race. Even I have too much self-respect to get smeared by grandchildren.” In fact, word on the street here has always been that Cat 2 racing has all of the disadvantages of racing with Cat 1’s (living with your girlfriend or your parents or in a shopping cart) and none of the benefits of racing with Cat 3’s (beating up on weak and defenseless people who have real jobs except for Surfer Dan).

So I went on my merry way.

Imagine my surprise today when I got an email from my club’s race coordinator. “Dude!” he wrote. “I just downloaded all of our riders’ racing info from USAC and saw you’re a Cat 2! Congrats!”

Knowing that there must be some mistake I looked it up. Sure enough, there it was: “Road: 2.”

I tried to jump up and down to celebrate but my cracked pelvis which hasn’t healed hurt too badly to manage more than a slow-motion hop. Then I forgot what I was celebrating. Finally, Ms. WM came in to tell me to stop making such a racket.

“You onna jumpin’ itsa gonna make runny bowels again,” she said.

I sat back down and looked again at the computer screen. Would I actually enter a Cat 2 race now, with, like, you know, actual young people? Or would I do what every masters profamateur does, which is cat up strictly for bragging rights while continuing to do the leaky prostate events?

Easiest decision I’ve had to make all year.

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1986 … it was a very good year.

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Start stalking

December 27, 2015 § 16 Comments

People are funny. If you give them a good tip they ignore the hell out of it, like the weird black mole that’s been blossoming on my shin and now looks like a rotten cauliflower that is oozing goo and has probably metastasized to my liver.

I went to the doctor a while back. “How long has that been there?” he asked.

“I dunno.”

“Long time? Short time?”

“Short time I guess. It was a gash and how it’s just some dried blood under the skin I think.”

“If it changes at all or doesn’t go away in a couple of weeks come back and we’ll take a look at it. Don’t ignore it.”

That was a looooong time ago and I ignored the shit out of it even as I noted its terrifying growth profile. So now that it is about the size of a child’s bowling ball and has learned to read and write and can even say its name, I finally made an appointment to go back to the skin doc.

I know what he’s going to say. “Well, Mr. Davidson, you’re dead now.”

And I know what I’ll say. “Who cares? My leg’s still jacked and I can’t ride for beans.”

But you? You won’t ignore some sage advice, will you? Because I’m going to give you some. Here it is: Go stalk Daniel Holloway’s ride schedule and follow him like a bad case of Neisseria gonorrhoeae.

Here’s the deal.

Daniel is the best bike racer in America. That’s not hyperbole or exaggeration. He won 345 races this year, half of them only pedaling with one leg. He races against the fastest lead-out trains on the continent and smokes them like a brat left overnight in the BBQ cooker.

But, whatever. This isn’t nearly as important as the fact that he’s in LA through the end of January, and what’s more important, shows up on most of the dork rides–NPR, Donut, etc. In other words, you have a chance to ride with the country’s winningest pro. And in other other words, five minutes spent riding with Daniel is worth 500 hours of Internet coach time and bike forum chat room palaver and Strava auto-titillation.

Unlike lots of supermen, Daniel has time for DLU, Dorks Like Us. Have a question you’ve always wanted answered? Daniel will answer it. He may be wrong, but at least you’ll be getting it from a pro.

Plus, he’s friendly. He intends to get in his workout, which often means all you’ll see is a tiny dot vanishing in the distance, but other times he’s pedaling around at DS, dork speed, trying to burn off the same cheesecake and lard-covered-butter cookies that you are.

Best of all, and most mystifying is when Daniel shows up on the NPR. Best because NOW IS YOUR CHANCE. Mystifying because when he hits the jets hardly anyone even tries to follow.

Dude! Pedal harder, please. This is your free coaching lesson. Even if you hang on for .0001 seconds, you will have gotten a better workout and will have seen what kind of acceleration it takes to escape the gravitational pull of 75 hackers pounding with a tailwind.

Better, if you’re like Smasher and manage to grab his wheel when he goes, he will absolutely beat your face in. All you have to do is hang onto his back wheel while he gins out 450 watts for four laps. You can do this, really, you can’t.

I know that you have a carefully planned workout regimen that is going to allow you to place mid-pack next year, but at least while Daniel’s in town you need to toss that plan out the window and follow this guy around, bothering the snot out of him with stupid questions. In addition to being a complete wizard with regard to tactics, he’s knowledgeable beyond belief when it comes to aero equipment and riding position, and has an ability to read a field that you won’t believe.

Of course I fully expect you to ignore this, because good, free advice is just that way.

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Rule of Holes: When you’re in one, stop digging (Bobby Lea, Part 2)

December 21, 2015 § 48 Comments

I swore I wouldn’t waste any more of my already limited brain cells on this drug cheat, and specifically ignored the butt-licking, fawning interview that Bicycling Magazine did with Bobby Lea after he tested positive for Percocet.

But people kept asking me if I’d seen it and eventually I caved. It made me so angry, not because Bobby changed his story in less than 24 hours (that’s what lying liars who lie do), but that so many toe-licking, jock-sniffing, earwax-collecting “fans” swallow the whole wad of smelly pus and cat hair without so much as a hiccough.

It’s okay to be willfully stupid; that is why we have Donald Trump. It’s okay to believe in fairy tales; that’s why we have Islam, Christianity, and homeopathic medicine.

But it’s not okay to ruin the party for everyone else by crapping in the punch bowl after you’ve drunk your fill.

So here are just a few of the salient absurdities from Bobby Lea’s non-tearful non-confession, and my comments after.

Interviewer: You said in your letter that you took Percocet the night before track nationals when you ran out of your normal sleep aid, and that you have a prescription. What was that prescription for originally, and had you used Percocet previously?

Cheater Lea: I got the prescription for Percocet for two reasons. It was primarily for pain management in the event of a crash. I got it right before a trip to Japan and Taiwan in 2014. I knew that if I crashed over there, I could take it and make it home to the hospital and to doctors that I trust. And the second reason was as a sleep aid. Sometimes that’s the most comfortable thing in coach and I’ve used it on occasion to sleep on those transatlantic flights.

CitSB Comment: Note that in his original “apology” letter, Lea says that the Percocet was prescribed ” … to help me manage pain and sleep while traveling for competition, especially in the event of a crash.” Now, a day later, it is primarily for pain management in the event of a crash. This is significant because, as I pointed out earlier, drowsiness is an adverse reaction to Percocet that is on the label. No physician prescribes a drug so that the patient can “benefit” from the drug’s adverse reaction. In Bobby’s case, the story is absurd because if you have difficulty sleeping, we have a class of drugs that help you sleep. They are cleverly called “sleeping pills.”

This leads to a problem with Lea’s new explanation, and the problem is this: Now that he’s admitted to using the drug, he has to answer the question of what he got the drug for, which in turn raises the question of how doctors prescribe Percocet in the first place.

Percocet is a classified by the DEA as a Schedule II Controlled Substance. This means that it may not be prescribed without a “legitimate medical purpose.” Doctors who do so are subject to criminal penalties, and the DEA has, in recent years, aggressively pursued and shut down pill mills that gin out fake prescriptions for Percocet addicts.

Getting a legal prescription for Percocet isn’t easy, in part because doctors have become wary of patients who fake complaints in order to get their drug habit filled. Simply telling the doctor that your back hurts or that you have a burning sensation when you pee, or showing up at the ER at 3:00 AM with a bit of road rash won’t crack the safe.

So what was Lea’s legitimate medical purpose for taking Percocet? He started off in his apology letter explaining the existence of the prescription to help him sleep, but that’s not a legitimate medical purpose for Percocet and the burden is on Lea to now prove that that is in fact why it was prescribed. He could produce his medical records and reveal the name of the treating M.D., but he hasn’t. Why not? Well, first off it might show that the M.D. was committing a felony by prescribing Percocet for something that wasn’t a legitimate medical purpose.

Another possible reason he doesn’t trot out the prescription is that he has no prescription; perhaps he bought the drugs illegally. Another possible reason is that his medical records might reveal that he obtained the prescription by lying to his physician about the “legitimate medical purpose” for which he got the prescription. It’s hard to imagine an ethical doctor prescribing Percocet for future injuries. Doctors don’t typically write prescriptions for things that might happen to you, and even if they did they wouldn’t prescribe Percocet.

Doctors can write multiple prescriptions for Percocet that you can fill sequentially, but they typically only do this if you have an existing injury or chronic painful condition. The notion that Lea’s M.D. is dispensing Percocet so Bobby can cope with the horrors of “transatlantic flights in coach” is silly. It also raises the question of whether he’s ever looked at a map. What transatlantic flight from Pennsylvania gets you to Japan and Taiwan?

Lea’s explanation is even shoddier the more closely you examine it. He claims that he got the prescription in case he got hurt in Japan or Taiwan, conjuring up images of witch doctors hacking off limbs with tree saws while the patient grimaces in pain–as if those two countries don’t have access to Percocet and every other synthetic narcotic in the advanced world’s pharmacopeia. Japan and Taiwan have world class medical care and world class pharma. Bobby wants us to believe they don’t know how to treat road rash and a broken collarbone?

So now Lea is in a bind. The prescription of Percocet as a sleeping pill potentially violates federal law because it’s not a legitimate medical purpose. Nor does the prophylactic prescription fly because doctors don’t give you drugs for “potential” injuries, and because the places he claimed he wouldn’t have access to treatment provide world class, first world healthcare.

These things all point to a person who doped, which means that in the Bicycling interview he does what habitual liars do: He changes his story. The Percocet was now primarily in case he crashed, but also for those transatlantic flights. But this doesn’t help the aforementioned problems–Percocet still isn’t indicated for sleeping–and it creates another: If he only uses it “on occasion to sleep on those transatlantic flights,” why is he popping it the night before a race in Carson, California?

Answer: It’s less likely that he popped it the night before a race in Carson so he could sleep, and likelier that he popped it a couple of hours before the race for its performance enhancing effects, as cyclists have been doing with narcotics for more than a hundred years.

Interviewer: You wrote that the night you took it you didn’t do what you’ve done so many times before: check to see if a medication is on the banned list. I’m sure you’ve run the scenario again a million times. Why didn’t you?

Lea: You’re right, I’ve thought about that so many times. There’s a couple of things [pause]. Although I can’t recall in my memory typing in the drug to check it, I really, really have trouble believing that I never would’ve done that. So I have to, although I can’t remember doing it, I have to believe that I had done that because I just don’t think that I would’ve been so careless taking a real-deal drug like that so recklessly. The second part is that the way I’d seen it used, from people that I trust, there were no red flags to me. There was nothing I’d seen that was showing me that using it in the manner that I did was problematic [from a doping standpoint]. It’s a commonly used painkiller in cycling, especially for crashes. I know people have used it as a sleep aid on flights. To me, the thought of using it to ride a bike faster is ludicrous, it helps to sleep, so that part never really crossed my mind.

CitSB: Now Bobby has had a few hours to reflect on the absurdity of his initial claim that an experienced pro would have never checked to see if the prescription narcotics that he had been taking on long flights since 2014 was on the WADA list of prohibited substances. Keep in mind this is a guy who’s taking Percocet in order to sleep en route to competing in bike races where he will be tested for banned drugs. And on none of those occasions it occurred to him to check the drug’s status?

It’s not remotely credible, especially when bookended by his admission that he’s checked other prescriptions hundreds of times, and especially when the prescription was from 2014, and especially since he admits that he uses it occasionally. So he does what liars do: He changes the story.

In the Bicycling interview he now claims that even though he doesn’t remember checking, he must have checked. He never would have not checked. But compare that with the certitude of his apology letter, which must have been proofed by his agent, his lawyer, and of course numerous times by Bobby himself: “Because it was late at night, and I was trying to sleep, I failed to check my prescribed medication against the prohibited list … ” There’s no gray area: He knows he didn’t check, and there’s nothing to indicate that he had checked before and learned it was banned.

Unfortunately, the new tale concocted for Bicycling’s gullible readers, that he must have checked he just doesn’t remember doing it, creates more problems. And here’s the biggie: If he did check in the past and forgot about having checked, why did he still take the Percocet? If the answer you’re expecting is, “I forgot Percocet was banned in competition,” you’ll be disappointed.

He never says this in the interview; rather, he leaves that to the reader to infer. Why?

Because once he admits that he checked, and then admits that he saw it was banned but took it anyway, he’s got an intentional cheating violation and a four-year ban. It’s sad to see the way he fumbles his way into the non-explanation. After claiming to have checked “I have to believe that I had done that,” he wanders off into a non-sequitur that wouldn’t even be believable in church: “There was nothing I’d seen that was showing me that using it in the manner that I did was problematic [from a doping standpoint]. It’s a commonly used painkiller in cycling, especially for crashes. I know people have used it as a sleep aid on flights.”

The issue of course isn’t whether he’s seen other people doping, or whether he thinks it’s problematic, or whether it’s commonly used for crashes (it’s not), or whether he knows a cousin who knows an aunt who has a friend who uses it to sleep on flights.

The issue is whether he checked–he now claims he did–and why, after checking and seeing that it’s banned, he intentionally ingested it before a big race. At some point you wonder why his agent, who was listening on the phone, didn’t jump in and tell him to shut up, because he then adds the worst thing of all: “To me, the thought of using it to ride a bike faster is ludicrous, it helps to sleep, so that part never really crossed my mind.”

Of all the lies, this is the one that can be fact checked with laser precision: Percocet does help you ride a bike faster and that is not ludicrous, it is a physiological, medical fact tied to the drug’s ability to deaden pain. What’s ludicrous is that a 2-time Olympian either didn’t know that his prescription narcotics were banned (Gambit #1), or that he knew they were banned but didn’t know they were performance enhancing (Gambit #2).

And then, to continue in this nitpicky vein, doesn’t this line jump out at you in all caps? “IT’S A COMMONLY USED PAINKILLER IN CYCLING … ” Well shit, Bobby, yes, it is, and that is exactly what you’re being busted for since even you don’t claim to have flown a transatlantic flight from your girlfriend’s place in Santa Monica to the Carson velodrome just down the 405.

So if you’re USADA, what do you believe? That Percocet, which is not a sleeping pill, is used for sleeping, or that Percocet, which reduces pain and enhances performance, is used by an elite athlete before a big race to reduce pain and enhance performance? (Oh, minor detail: He won the race. Lucky fellow.)

The rest of the interview is unremarkable as it continues in this vein of not-even-barely-credible excusifying, with one exception. In his apology letter he says he supports clean sport, then in the interview gives a long explanation about why he has chosen to fight his case all the way to CAS. It would have been interesting to hear the Bicycling fan-with-a-typewriter ask Bobby how it is that a U.S. track racer can fund the $500/hour legal fees for his appeal, but hey, journalism requires, you know, work.

It would have also been nice to see someone call this clown out simply because his appeal will cost USADA a ton of money, money that they now get to spend chasing a doper instead of funding additional tests at additional races to keep dopers like him on the back foot.

I guess with supporters of clean sport like Bobby Lea, who needs enemies?

END

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