You can’t say that, No. 4

December 26, 2014 § 6 Comments

It’s the new he’s-innocent-because-he-took-too-much defense.

“The way the doctors have explained it to me, the amount they’ve found is an amount that’s almost impossible to have in your urine so we’re definitely behind the rider and we believe the rider 100 percent.” Lampre-Merida coach Brent Copeland on why rider Diego Ulissi couldn’t possibly have been doping using a salbutamol inhalant during his two Giro stage wins because he was apparently over-doped. Cycling News, June 25, 2014.

**************

Six puffs, on the other hand …

“It is important to know that salbutamol does not make you stronger … Cyclists know that you do not go faster if you take five puffs. You must understand that this is not doping.” Italian national team coach Davide Casani, explaining that Diego Ulissi’s positive result for the banned substance salbutamol, which improves breathing and oxygen uptake in aerobic sports, isn’t really doping. Wieler Fits, June 26, 2014.

**************

Well, perhaps not “absolutely.”

“Absolutely inexplicable.” Lampre team doctor Carlo Guardascione, at a loss to explain how Diego Ulissi’s salbutamol levels were almost double the allowed limit. Cycling News, September 12, 2014.

END

————————

For $2.99 per month you can subscribe to this blog, which is cheaper than a salbutamol inhaler for your “asthma.” Click here and select the “subscribe” link in the upper right-hand corner. Thank you!

You can’t say that, No. 3

December 20, 2014 § 15 Comments

Ok, jealousy plus erythropoietin.

“It’s only jealousy.” Mauro Sangambrogio before testing positive for EPO, explaining to his DS Luca Scinto why everyone suspected him of doping. Cycling News, June 3, 2013.

***************

And while you’re at it, could you make “as soon as possible” sometime in 2020?

“I can only say that I am in disbelief about what has happened and will request the counter analysis as soon as possible.” Mauro Santambrogio, the day after testing positive for EPO, which was a few days after assuring team boss Luca Scinto that he was clean as a whistle. Ansa.IT, June 3, 2013.

***************

Sort of like Cupid with a needle in his ass.

“I’m not a criminal … but within my environment, I felt like a little god.” Mauro Santambrogio after receiving a 2-year ban for doping, explaining why he had felt the need to cheat. La Gazzetta dello Sport, October 12, 2013.

***************

Now, however, I have a different set of problems.

“My testosterone levels were low and I had erection problems, plus I had fertility problems. That’s why I was prescribed Andriol.” Mauro Santambrogio, facing a lifetime ban after testing positive for testosterone a few days before the expiration of his ban for testing positive for EPO, which was in turn was a couple of months before he was to resume his pro racing career. Cycling News, December 18, 2014.

END

————————

For $2.99 per month you can subscribe to this blog, and feel like a medium-sized god. Click here and select the “subscribe” link in the upper right-hand corner. Thank you!

You can’t say that, No. 2

December 18, 2014 § 23 Comments

Incredibly, his mother forgot to tell him that something can be both a favor AND forbidden.

“I threw the bag in the suitcase without covering it. It was mixed with clothing. I didn’t know I was doing anything forbidden, just a favour.” Mexican racer Jose Alfredo Aguirre, busted at the Alicante airport in Spain with EPO and human growth hormone in his carry-on baggage, allegedly given to him by his coach. Cycling News, December 16, 2014.

***************

For example, he would totally dispense with that “getting caught” stuff. And the kidney failure.

“I wouldn’t dope, or I’d at least do it differently.” Disgraced, banned, and self-admitted “idiot” Riccardo Riccò at his book signing, explaining what he’d learned from a career that ended when he almost killed himself due to a botched home-job transfusion. Cycling News, December 17, 2014.

***************

But then, goshdangit, they made him pee into that little cup-thingy after the race.

“After having served a suspension in 2011, I never expected to find myself in this situation again.” Old fellow Todd Robertson, 51, after receiving an 8-year ban as a repeat doper at masters nationals in Bend. USADA sanction list, May 14, 2014.

***************

Or, it could just be the rather pedestrian story of another cheating dirtbag.

“I am confident that this will soon become a dramatic story about professionalism and family, with the outcome of the results of the counter-analysis that will be demanded by my lawyer.” Matteo Robattini, just prior to the counter-analysis demanded by his lawyer that confirmed he had in fact doped with EPO. TuttoSport 24-Ore, September 17, 2014.

END

————————

For $2.99 per month you can subscribe to this blog, which most of the time won’t be pedestrian. Click here and select the “subscribe” link in the upper right-hand corner. Thank you!

You can’t say that, No. 1

December 3, 2014 § 38 Comments

Because it used to be, like, a mark of distinction.

“Young riders have gone mad. They do not understand that doping is no longer acceptable in cycling.” Alexandre Vinokourov, suspended pro doper and head of Team Astana, on why five of his riders have tested positive. Kazhakstanskaya Pravda, Nov. 28, 2014.

***************

Except for, you know, that we’re on the same team.

“They are four idiots that have nothing to do with me.” Vincenzo Nibali, explaining the distance between himself and riders who were with him at Tour of Oman, Milano-Sanremo, Amstel Gold Race, La Flèche Wallonne, Liège-Bastogne-Liège, and the Tour de Romandie. VeloNews, Nov. 21, 2014.

***************

Which is why we’re renewing the team’s license for 2015.

“The Union Cycliste Internationale (UCI) views the positive tests for EPO by two riders of the same team — Maxim and Valentin Iglinskiy — as an extremely serious situation and one which raises questions about the management of the team and the ethics which are upheld within it.” UCI statement about the 5 recent positive doping tests on Team Astana. VeloNews, Oct. 8, 2014.

***************

No dessert, sure, or maybe a spanking.

“It’s not right to say that they should have missed Lombardy or Almaty.” Roger Legeay, head of pro cycling anti-doping movement, defending Team Astana’s cynical timing ploy that allowed them to race the final monument of the year despite multiple team doping offenses. Ten Ring News, Oct. 12, 2014.

***************

But the runner-up will be invited back to a special award ceremony and given a winner’s trophy with a really cool t-shirt.

“Davidenok and Astana literally stole close to $100,000 from the rest of the field, and there is no way we are going to get that money back; bull-shit.” Canadian pro Michael Woods, on Astana doper Ilya Davidenok’s win at the Tour of Qinghai Lake, scooping up $100k in prize money while riding the field off his wheel and making the rest of the field “his bitch.” CyclingTips.au, Nov. 28, 2014.

END

————————

For $2.99 per month you can subscribe to this blog, just in time for Cyber Wednesday. Click here and select the “subscribe” link in the upper right-hand corner. Thank you!

Where Am I?

You are currently browsing the You Can’t Say That category at Cycling in the South Bay.