August 3, 2013 § 33 Comments
Okay, not a movie actually, more like a book.
Actually, an e-book.
But with your help it MAY one day become the best selling book since Dream of the Red Chamber.
Why a book?
I need the money.
How did it come about?
I printed out all of my blog excreta through December, 2012. It came out to 1,238 single-spaced 8 x 11 pages in 10-point type. After taking a look at the pile I got a huge headache, drank a lot of beer and then forgot about it.
Then what happened?
My good friend Barbara told me to email her the whole clump. She said she would read it and separate the wheat from the chaff. “If there’s no wheat, I’ll at least grade the chaff for you,” she may have said.
So that’s how you came out with a polished diamond?
No. That’s how I came out with 882 pages of “not completely awful” chaff.
Wankmeister, if you think anyone’s going to read 800-plus pages of anything, you’re crazy.
Right. So I whittled it down to about 200 pages, big font, double spaced, with photos of hot naked cyclists in the middle. The cover photo is from the San Pedro GP by Danny Munson.
Just like that?
No, I had more help from Barbara. Then Derek B. gave it a read and a critique. Finally, once it was all polished up and I’d read it another four times for typos, I sent it off to my favorite bicycling editor, Lesli Cohen. Once she finishes it I’ll call it good and publish it.
Which publisher are you using?
That’s a joke, right?
So what’s it about?
It’s about cycling in the South Bay, so I decided to call it “Cycling in the South Bay.”
Ah-hah. When is it coming out?
Two weeks, give or take a day.
Where can I buy it?
Amazon/Apple/Barnes & Noble.
How much will it cost?
Will there be a “bro deal”?
Yes. My bros will buy extra copies. And they will give it super favorable reviews on Amazon.
Aren’t you worried that it will be a POS?
No. I can blame it on Barbara, Derek, and Lesli. And Chris, who encouraged me to do this in the first place.
Is it going to be fiction or nonfiction?
No, no, no. I mean, which one will it be? Fiction or nonfiction?
It’s all 100% true except for the parts I made up.
What if your local buddies get pissed off at what you say about them?
None of them can read, actually. And the ones who can will go straight to the nude photos.
And what about the ones who get left out, like Chris Lotts? They’ll be really pissed.
As long as they buy the book to find out, who cares? Look, the damned thing was 1,200 pages long. In order to get it down to size I had to dump more shit than a manure truck. Anyway, Chris loves me. Mostly. And I’ve had plenty of people ride up to me and offer cash not to be mentioned. Which I’ve accepted, by the way.
Okay. Well, I’m looking forward to it.