June 6, 2012 § 24 Comments

The pattern is pretty much the same. You watch some rad surfer dude do some unreal shit with his GoPro nailed onto the end of his board, like this. Of course, you don’t surf, except for the occasional sesh like this.

Then you check out some rad GoPro MTB action that totally blows your mind, like this. But you know, MTB’s not really your thing either, even though you sometimes go ride the trails like this.

So you’re totally jazzed and figure you’ll get the GoPro and stick it on your bike or your helmet and get some really rad road bike footage of you and your bros snacking on a banana and pedaling along the bike path. Three hundred bucks later you’ve taken a bunch of video and you run home and slap the shit up on your monitor and you find out that, yep, it’s shit.

Your ass looks ginormous. Or the ass of the dude in front of you looks like it’s three inches away, and it stays there for two hours. And his butt is bigger than Dallas. Or the video shows that your skilz are total crapz. Add onto that the fact that the camera’s heavy and it take hours to edit anything, and that’s pretty much the end of your GoPro career.

Wankmeister, however, is dedicated to the preservation of truth, justice, and the American way, so no matter how awful the video, he carefully edits it with the help of his trusty assistant and releases it for your viewing pleasure, or perhaps, your viewing pain.

So here it is: The True And Honest Story Of What Happened At The State Road Race, or “Mrs. Wankmeister Goes to Bakersfield.”

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