January 16, 2013 § 58 Comments
Folks, the only way to move on is to just move on.
The longer you stop and gape, the longer you will remain mired where you are, knee-deep in gore at the scene of the train wreck.
He’s larger than life.
He’s a caricature of a distortion.
And he holds you, still, in his thrall.
Because you let him.
So enjoy this last TV drama with your best buddies and your favorite pizza. Curse or yell or laugh or cry.
And then, just as you’ve let him occupy you…let him go.
January 11, 2013 § 13 Comments
Every year I buy the updated version of Joe Friel’s training bible, re-up with Training Peaks, subscribe to a new set of Hunter Allen’s power-based training plans, and hire the services of a cycling-specific nutritionist.
And every year I still suck.
So instead of blowing my Christmas gift money on charlatans and fraudsters, I thought I’d hit up a fraudster like you because you’re, like, free.
What I need are New Year resolutions to improve my cycling.
Wankmeister, help me!
I know you knocked off the booze couple of years ago, and except for a couple of one-off drinks you’ve been dry as a bone. I don’t have a “drinking problem,” but I do drink a lot, I mean, like, a case of beer before dinner and a case for dessert. If I quit drinking, what changes can I expect? Will my cycling performance improve?
If you quit drinking, I guarantee that you are sober. Will your cycling performance improve? No.
I’ve been totally following your South Bay Biker Hunger Starvation Diet From Hell Diet it is awesome I would love to do it but it sounds so terrible that I’ve been putting it off like flossing. Now that you’ve done the self-guinea pig thing I have a zillion questions about how it’s affected your cycling performance I don’t even know where to begin you’ve lost a ton man that’s awesome I bet you climb like Lucien van Armstrong now huh?
The only thing you will get from my diet, or any other, is hungry.
I know this is off the topic, but what do you think about Lance and Oprah and the whole confession thing? Pretty crazy, huh?
So over Lancedly,